


Shades of Meaning

by mithrel



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Blanket Permission, Character Study, Gen, POV First Person, Podfic Welcome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-25
Updated: 2009-05-25
Packaged: 2017-11-11 05:15:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/474909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mithrel/pseuds/mithrel





	Shades of Meaning

_Bashir: You know, I still have a lot of questions I want to ask you about your past.  
Garak: I've given you all the answers I'm capable of.  
Bashir: You gave me answers, all right. But they were all different. What I want to know is, of all the stories you told me, which ones were true and which ones weren't?  
Garak: My dear Doctor, they're all true.  
Bashir: Even the lies?  
Garak: Especially the lies._

Garak and Bashir _The Wire_

The doctor wasn’t happy when I told him that all the stories I’d told him were true. He didn’t see how contradicting and conflicting information can nonetheless all hold something of the truth. I don’t believe in absolute truth in any case, and each of the stories I told him contained some truth and some falsehood.

The first story I told him, about blowing up the transport ship, was true. I had done that, although of course there had been no aide, and it hadn’t been what had led to my exile. It had been several years before that, there was no daughter of a high-ranking official on board, and the incident had been minimized. I don’t regret it. It was necessary.

The second story I told him, about freeing the prisoners, was true. Again, there had been no aide, but the rest of the story was accurate. I had thought I had gone insane, when I thought about it, and I would have been executed, but Tain thought living the rest of my life among the Bajorans, the same people I’d pitied, the ones who held me in contempt, would be a far worse fate. And he was right.

The third story I told him, about trying to frame Elim for my crime, was true. It was perhaps less true than the others, since Elim never existed, at least not as I’d told the doctor about him, but I had tried desperately to find someone else to blame for my crime. That story was also a warning to the doctor, that if I had the chance to return to Cardassia at his expense, I wouldn’t hesitate.

The comments I made to him about hating the station, and hating him, were true. Cardassians cannot afford weakness or vulnerability, yet this naïve, absurdly compassionate human had managed to become more than a puzzle, more than an acquaintance, more than a friend. He was the reason I bothered to get up in the morning, when my existence was reduced to the banalities of fitting yet another visitor to the station for a suit or tunic. He’d made me depend on him, depend on him being there, which I couldn’t afford. And for that I hated him.

But he forgave me. He didn’t know what I had done in the past, he still doesn’t, he doesn’t know what I’m capable of doing, or might do in the future, yet he still forgave me for everything I’ve done, including attacking him, verbally and physically. I’m at a loss as to why.

I’m also at a loss as to why he risked his life traveling into Cardassian space, facing Enabran Tain himself, to save me. Yes, he’s a doctor, and he’s duty-bound to do everything he can to save his patients, but I can’t help wondering if he’d do the same for anyone else. I have to believe he would. The alternative is too good to be true.


End file.
